Friday, 18 November 2011

Good Night, Sweet Angel: Part 2

Boker Tov;
It is a cold morning here in Virginia. In the 30s. So it is a hot coco morning.
I awoke thinking about baby Jazzlyn Grace. I have so many pictures of this lovely girl with the big blue eyes. I had never held her or heard her coos, but I am just imagine.
The death of anyone we love, even if we know they are in heaven. It is times like thess we ripe our garments ( the picture of the heart being ripped open) and declare:
 Barukh attah Adonai Eloheynu Melekh ha’olam dayan ha’emet. Blessed are You, O Lord our G-d, King of the universe the true Judge (or Judge of truth). 
The death of a child is the worst pain a parent could have.
I remember the months I struggled after Mark and I lost a child to miscarriage. A child we never saw or heard. It took time and the support of a loving husband and a Faithful G-d to get me through. And knowing our little one was with her Creator slowly, slowly eased the pain.
At times like these we reach for words:
G-d needed another angel, so He took him/her. With respect, when humans die and go to heaven, they remain human, their not turned into angels.
We are not needed in heaven. That is where we go when our work is done. We are needed here on earth.
When our loved are taken, it is their time to go.
But knowing this doesn't ease the pain. Nor should There is a hole in our lives, our family, our heart that can be mended, but not fully healed until we are together again. G-d is closest to times like these, holding us close.
Anger is normal too. I remember being so mad with G-d over His taking our unborn child. There will be no baby scents and nappies, no baby coos and first tooth, no first day of school, first dance, no seeing this precious one married under our huppah or grandbabies.
The wordss came slowly, softy...."Quiet day you will understand...this is not that day...."
His ways and thoughts are higher than ours. Sometimes that is enough and sometimes we storm with,
That's it???"
And sometime we just have to lean back into the Father's Arms and let Him hold us, knowing He loves us.
And weeps with us.
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