Sunday, 31 October 2010

Halloween Is Not Our Holiday

Halloween Is Not Our Holiday
With respect to those who don't have problem with Halloween, this is the reason why Mark and I do not share in the day. We "give out" but we don't "go out."

Thursday, 28 October 2010

In the Pink

Well it is that time of the year. October is Breast Cancer awarness month.
I could be wrong, but I think this disease has touched all of our lives in some form of fashion. Whether we had a friend or family memeber who had Breast Cancer or knew someone.
I know many who have surivived; several of my friends did not. I write this in tribute of their memory.
Two of our local grocery stores, The Market and Farm Fresh are selling pink grocery bags as a fund raiser for the Cancer Assocation.
As you can see, Mark is modeling one of our bags.
Mark too is a Cancer survivor, given his clean bill of health last month. The very first person Mark and I met when Mark started his treatment was a Major who was coming in for his yearly exmaine. He had breast cancer.
Mark looked at me in shock.
 "Men can get breast cancer, too," I answered.
The Major went on to exmaine that his mother had breast cancer and one day he notice a lump. Thought it was a bruise from working out.
Good thing he had it checked.
So now, (this may be way too mcu imformation, but people are dying from a lack of knowelge.) both Mark and I do breast exmaines.
Men, you CAN get it too.
So we are doing our part buying using our pink shopping bags to make people aware the fight goes on and maybe, just maybe in our life time, G-d willing, we shall see a cure of not just Breast cancer, but all forms of cancer.

Sunday, 24 October 2010


A few weeks ago, about three, Mark and I headed off for a day in Williamsburge.
We found that David really didn't need anyone about to help with a meal or his medication. He was quite capable of popping a TV dinner in the micowave and getting his own medication.
It was during this time and on this trip I said to Mark, I believe David is coming to the place he doesn't need us. Not the way he did when he first came out of hosptial.
So it was time to turn our thoughts back to our home.
The Shabbat lights around the house was for the most part burned out. So we headed for Willimaburge, to the Christmas Mouse where we found strings of white lights, some grape crusters and roses.
Last week Mark began to put the lights up and while it is a project, we did have them up for this Shabbat. Such a warmth that comes from those beautitful lights framed on the ceiling boards, a reflection of heaven itself.
I felt a warmth, a happiness that had been missing in our Shabbat for weeks. Mark said he felt it as well.
This morning, while Mark took David to church, I went for a walk.
I reflected upon the past several weeks; the highs and lows. The disappointments and struggles. The wrestling matches with G-d, my husband, myself.
I am still reflecting......

While's one faith cannot be based on the actions of others, we cannot discount how we can encourage or rob someone of their faith because of our words and deeds. I have seen much the past several weeks, experence much to make me question what I believe.
Not Who I believe in.
And it is an interesting time. For we as Hebrews do not believe it is a sin to question G-d, to doubt. He invites our questions. For like any good parnet knows, when a child questions mother/father it isn't so much rebellion as it is growth, trying to make sense of what appears to be nonsense, a puzzle or worst, a lie.
 A good parnet welcomes those questions because they know that their child is growing, maturing, thinking. Reasoning. The questions actually draw the parnet and child closer. If the parnet is wise, that is.
And I have lots of questions.
I just have to be a good listener.
Mark was standing at the apartment building as I came down the street. He knew I needed some space and lovingly gave it to me.
I found myself in his embrace and the sun came out.
Funny how whenever I need him the most, Mark appears.

A Quiet Love, A Sweet Love

They say that women are like wine: they get better with age.
I believe that is true with both men as well as marriage as well.
Mark and I are working on our laptops, soon to close them and spend some few precious hours we have alone.
And though he is just across the dinningroom table from me, I feel the love he has for me.
It is funny how you can know that someone loves you just from their presence.
Maybe its the every ten minutes or so that he looks up from the keyboard and gives me a smile. And my knowing he is about to look at me and I glaze up, waiting.
Being with G-d is like that too. Sometimes I feel His Presence in times of a Temple Service or Torah Study. But sometimes I feel G-d's love, Presence in simple things; like the a soft breeze, the lick on the hand from a puppy or my husband's smile.
Relationships, whether human or heavenly take time to grow. And they grow sweeter, like a fine wine.
Mark and I have gone through these past four months.
I once said I would follow Mark into hell itself, for I knew heaven would be on the other side.
Frankly, the past four months we have indeed gone through hell together. The fire was a revealer of what is right about our marriages and also revealed a few cracks that needed our attention.
The World to Come is still in our future; but a bit of heaven's glory shines in our home even now.
After the four month storm, I am finally beginning to see the rainbow.

Friday, 22 October 2010

A Lost Ring, A Found Love.

A few days ago,  Mark notice his wedding band wasn't where he usually left it.
It was one of our rare evenings alone and we were planning to visit a friend in hosptial and then go out for supper.
It was at this time Mark could not find his ring.
For two hours we searched the house.
Mark had gone to the market eariler in the day and while there, used the Men's water closet. So maybe he left it on the edge of the wash basin and some good soul found the ring and turned it in.
It wasn't there.
David returned home from choir practice and helped in the search.
Still, nothing.
Finally, after another hour had passed,  Mark found it.
I hadn't been feeling well earlier in the morning and Mark had came back into the bedroom, laying down to comfort me. He had placed the ring on the nightstand and the ring fell off the stand and laid on the floor, next to our bed.
While I wasn't really upset, for I knew it was just a matter of time before we found it, Mark was beside himself. So careful he is with his wedding band, he kept saying over and over again, "I don't do this!"
The man was in tears as he searched, going through jeans and dress pant pockets, panicing that he might have dropped it at the Gym.
What I saw was a man in love with his wife. That the very disappearance, though brief that it was, of that which is a sign of our convernat and commitment, would throw him into a tailspin.
We have been fussying the past few days and frankly, we didn't like each other at that time. But seeing the mad search, the panic on my face, all the petty stuff that had upset me went out the window.
G-d hid that ring (yes, I believe that) so that Mark and I would remember what is important.
One day David will leave us. One day,  G-d willing, we shall have and family. But those children will too go up and begin lives of their own. One day Mark will retire from the military.
But our relationship with G-d, with each other shall remain.
With the finding of Mark's ring, we remembered the love that it represents.
Sometimes lost can be a good thing.

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

A Little Chilly: Cookie Time

This morning I awoke with my left hip hurting.
Arthritis decided to visit me today.
So Mark started the monring off with prayer and then made breakfast for everyone.
I was slow moving, but after a warm shower and a pain pill, I was off.
The guys cleaned up the kitchen and are now peeling pototoes.
I am making pototoe soup for supper. It is nice for the insides on a chilly day.
I also plan to make lential soup and freeze it for later in the week. Also a nice heartly meal,plus loaded with iron. Which I need plenty of.
And because of Mark and David's hard work, I will also bake cookies
Everyone needs a chocolate chip now and then,
Cooking helps to improve my mood as well as blesses my household. With the shorter days, I feel myself becoming depressed. And one good way to break depression is to do something for someone else.
It gets your mind off you.
Think I shall take some of the cookies to my upstairs neighors as well.

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

The Heart of the House

Boker Tov:
It is a beauitful autumn morning. A bit cool, but sunny.
Mornings are still hard, but a lovely time in our home.
Because David sleeps in our little Shul (prayer room/ study) we moved everything but the ark that contains the torah scroll into the Dinningroom.

The white curtain was put up to mark off the dinningroom as our prayer room. When closed it means we are in prayer and/ study. The wash basin and towel is set up for hand washing.
Which makes for some interesting times.
Before bedtime, we roll over the special prayer rugs that denotes that the room is now a place of prayer. We set a special placemat at the head of the table for the scriptures, the prayer books and the devotional we are reading and hang the prayer shawls.
In the morning, before sunrise, we rise for prayer.
After prayer, we put the prayer things away and setup for the rest of the day.
I realize yesterday that this brought our place of prayer and study in the heart of our home, front and center.
We rather like the look, the fact that our prayer, study and meals are taken in the same room, that this house is indeed a house a prayer.
So, as we look for a new home, we shall be looking for a large Dinning Room, not just for the enteraining of our guest, but to bring our home shul front and center.
Not a bad idea, really.

We are also doing some rearranging. So that I have a place in the house to call my own and since we are looking to move next year, the large coffee table is being moved into storeage and my things, like my laptop and quilting will be moved into the "Lady's Chamber," as Mark calls it.
I am so excited. Finally! a place that is truly my; to think, study, pray, create. Someplace to just rest for an hour or so, unwind. I haven't had that kind of space and time in months and it has wore on my nerves.
Though getting out to walk has helped.
Funny, Mark now kicks me out of the house, with a smile on his face: "Go for a walk!"
He says he is taking care of the Heart of the Home. For when the wife is happy, everyone is happy.

Monday, 18 October 2010

Has it Been A Month?????

Shalom: Has it really been almost a month since I last wrote?
I knew life had been crazy and I was ready to commit myself. Now I know why; I haven't been to one of my emotional outlets.
But then, I have been rather emotional lately.
Ok, other me--enough of the wise cracks.
Anyhow, with David still with us, working out all the ins and outs of our joined lives, there have been those moments I have indeed wondered of my own state of mind.
Mark finished the Wounded Warrior Program and is doing well. He was off his medication for a few days, waiting for a refill, but otherwise he is my rock.
 David is doing very well. This week we learn if the doctor will release him to return to work.

It has been a trying time for Mark and I. I confess we have actually exchanged words more in the past several weeks than we have in the five years we have been married.
The tension has been high, because we have not wanted to face a hard truth. We had expected David's church to help carry the load, realizing that we were a married couple, Mark was on leave, to help with meals, laundry, visits, etc. We needed help getting David to and from doctors. David, being a social person needed the company of the many friends he has.
Few have called or visited.
Once we faced the fact we were pretty much flying solo and spoke to David about this, the tension eased up.
One of the excuses we heard about not helping with meals is that we keep kosher.
Some excuse. Like one can't find kosher recipes online.
I am truly thankful for the few people who indeed in the Name and Love of G-d to David, assisting Mark and I in David's care. Even the few who realize a married couple need some time and space.
May G-d bless each one.
Mark and I have walked through this fire, becoming even closer. Our faith in G-d, His Torah and His ways assured.
My faith in people however....not so much.