It has been an insterting several weeks. Full of ups and downs, yelling and screaming and even a few times, "I quit!"
But G-d and I are still speaking.
It's a matter of faith.
My beloved and I are now celebrating six years of marriage.
The past twelves months have been the hardest.
Between the time Mark was in the Wounded Warrior Program while we care for a very sick friend who almost left us, Mark's depression and now almost a year of job searching, this has been those times that tries the souls and faith of men and women.
Mark is a Civil Affairs officer. When he isn't deployed, he goes back to Army Reserves status. But since we have been marriage, Mark has been deployed twice for twelve to four-teen months, comes home for three to six months and then on his way out to the field again.
This means he never gets to put to use the very skill he has trained for; a science teacher.
This month, will mark 11 months Mark has been home. The longest he has been home since we have been married.
His two months leave was used up taking care of a friend. Then dealing with coming out of the black hole.
All I could do is love him and pray for him.
As a Vet, one would think job offers and employers would open their doors to him. But like everyone, he has been searching for a job, any job to take care of his family.
All I can do is love him and pray for him.
And just as the point when I was ready to play Esther and over a lovely meal suggest I also look for a job to help out, I deveople Cellilitius which is an infection of the tisse, in my case, my big right toe. With a huge bandage on my huge big toe, wearing a walking boot when I am allowed up for the next two to three weeks, my job search is on hold.
All I can do is love my husband and pray.
To be honest, there are many times I find myself yelling at G-d. How can men and women who serve their country, even to the point of putting thier lives on the line, not be able to find a job? It isn't just my Mark. I have heard so many stories of others in the similiar boat. Vets now having to apply for Food Stamps, and losing their homes.
It isn't fair, it isn't right.
It is life in America: there are no jobs for anyone.
So how do I do this.
It's a matter of faith. It is knowing that G-d is still in control, that He truly sees, hears and cares.
Right now, as I look at my toe with a fresh bandage wrapped around it by my beloved who feels that is this is the only thing he can truly do for me. I pray. I pray for a job for myself and others who are seeking work.
That I don't become bitter. That I remember G-d is working behind the scences even though I don't see it.
It's a matter of faith.