I Watch My Soldier Sleep

I watch you sleep.
thankful I have you by side another night.
But I also know a letter, that letter,
could come tomorrow, taking you from my side.
The danger is real; your nation calls.
And as much as you love me, you will answer the call,
leaving my side, our bed.

 I will let you go. Trust me, I don't want to!
But I will, for we have a job to do. For as you fight for freedom,
I will pray. I will bake the cookies for your Care Package, I will write the letters,
I will stay up after midnight, waiting for your five minute call.
Praying for you and for all who serve, praying for you to return to my side.
To our bed.
In the corner of the room I see your boots. Boots that have taken you to Iraq and Afghanistan.
Boot that have brought you back to me.
I think of your fatigues draped over a chair. You are so handsome in them; my heart swells with pride when I see you all "soldier out."
But tonight, I am just thankful that all I have to do is wash them, not watch as you dress, and  your boots carry you away from my side.
Your leaving. It is the price I pay for loving a soldier, A price I am happy to pay.
For when I am held in your arms, all my fears and worries melt away, all is left is love
Right now, I look upon your sleeping face.
 My soldier, my hero, my love.
I watch you sleep, thanking G-d for giving us another day together.
Another night of love.
I touch your hair and pray, that the letter,
that letter, never comes.

 

Strong Bonds: We're On Our Way

We started out mid-morning Friday morning.
It was a beauiful, sunny Jaunry. It felt more like autumn than winter. I stood in front of our car as mark loaded her with our suitcases, thinking what amazing life I have.
True,n either one of us are working right now. Mark's father recent back surgery, and me having all sorts of test. We stay half a paycheck from being put out on the streets and yet, I feel blessed.
I feel blessed because I am.
I watch Mark, this man I have the honour to call my husband, my lover and my bestfriend. A man I am willing to follow through hell itself, knowing he will lead me to heaven is on the other side.
And frankly, we are going through hell.
We had been to SkyTop Lodge three weeks ago for the Yellow Ribbon and looked forwarded to returning. True, we won't have much time alone. But it is still a lovely place for a get away.
And since the event counts as AT (Anuuel Training) Mark does get paid.
Money always helps.
An hour into our trip, we both laughed over the fact that we had forgotten our music CDs, so we listened to the radio once again.
Sometimes it was a talk program. Sometimes an oldie-but-goodness station laughing with happy surprise of "YOU know that song?"

We stopped for the stretching of legs and rest rooms. The weather was being to become chilly. Good thing we had jackets in the back seat.

I thought this was rather pretty, giving visitors of the rest stop a taste of the surroundings.

I never did find out the name of this river. Maybe one day.
Soon, we were back on the road again.
I rather like these times. Since August of last year, we have attended a miliarty program of one sort or another. The pay Mark recieved for each trip has truly helped, and the get aways have been great respite from all the stress we have been under.
During these rides we talk, we laugh. Mark tells me how much he loves me. And I share my love for him.
And then it happen.....
Mark who though he could remind how to get to SkyTop without a map, got lost.
At first, I managed not to get angry or panic. I chose to believe we would by the grace of G-d get back on track.
We didn't.
By six pm, we didn't have the faintest idea where we were.
And by now, my sense of adventure was long gone. The only reason why Mark lived was because I don't drive.
We did find a Rite-Aid, with a map. We were a half an hour from the Lodge. However, somehow, someway, Mark got turned around and we were heading AWAY from SkyTop.
And yes, I was mad. Mark, being a good sport, allowed me to vent.
No, I didn't hit him.
Finally, we did get back on track, seeing buildings and signs we recoginzed, leading us to the Lodge.
I had to work through my anger, not wishing for it to ruin our weekend.
It was about nine pm when we finally arrived to SkyTop. This time we would be staying in one of the cabins.

Mark went back to main lodge and found one of the food outlets opened.
Hamburgers never tasted so good.
Knowing we would have an early morning, we headed off to bed.
And I had to pray hard.
Yes, I was angry about Mark not having the map. I knew he was sorry.
And I wasn't going to allow this to ruin our weekend.
I had to pray hard that night.

Strong Bonds Part One

Last weekend (Januray 6-8) Mark and I attended a program known as Strong Bonds.And what is Strong Bonds?
Strong Bonds is a chaplain-led programs for commanders and thier families. Its mission is to increase soldier and the family readness through relationship education and skills training. There is so much pressure on military life today. Today we face more and long deployments that can put a stain on both marriage and family life. Strong Bonds helps the family not only to prepare for deployment and/or post-deployment, but helps the miliarty family to strenghten and keep the lines of communications open.
Couples like Mark and I volunteer to participate in a Strong Bonds retreat. Though it counts as AT for the soldier. It is held offsite, the retreat is design to maximize the family relationship training impact. Also known as a getaway, it provides a comfortable place for training, but for the couple to unwind. It is at these sites, chosen by the chaplens that offer emotionally safe and secure environment, where one can address the effects of miliarty life.
The Strong Bonds we attended was held at the amazing SkyTop Lodge, SkyTop, PA.
We had attended another event here, The Yellow Ribbon Reinteration about three weeks ago and was looking forward to our returning for what we knew would be an amazing weekend.
Strong Bonds first began in 1999, with four events and 90 couples in the 25th Division, Hawaii, Strong has since spread throughout the Active and Reserve Componernts of the Army.
In 2004, the US Code was amended to allow command funding for "chaplain-led programs to assist members of the armed forces--in bulding and maintainging a strong family structure," (Title 10-1789).
In the fiscal year of 2010, the Army completed the third year of a five year longitudinal study evaluating the outcome of Strong . Preliminary outcome shows a fifty percent lower rate in divorce with an increase in marital satisfaction for participants.
Very true. For Mark and I walked away with a few tools in our toolchest. Even though it has been a week, we still are practicing the lessons we learned from Strong Bonds.
So why is this program so important to the Army?
Because strong families are the backbone of the Army. The Army realizes that when the Soldier's family is healthy and secure, the Soldier then can focus on the task at hand. Knowing thier loved ones are recieving the support needed back home, relieves their minds and hearts. Strong, loving marriages and relationships contribute to the maintenance of a healthy Army and a secure future force. While we have not gone through duty relocations, we have felt the stain of frequent deployments, we have had our relationship tested.
The research done on Strong Bonds has shown that the training couples recieves, improves communication skills, imtimacy and conflict management. As stated before, it increases marital satisfaction and reduces the rates of Family violence.
I am so happy to say that the Army sees the need and is going out of its way to help Soldiers and their Families get through the ups and down of Miliarty Life.
I highly recommand the Strong Bond Program to all our soldiers and their families.It is truly worth the weekend.

If I had an complain, it would be it needs to be one day longer.

One Week Ago

Shalom:
It was one week ago today that my happy world took a nose's dive. Today is has begun that slow climb back up where it belongs.

Earlier this monring I awoke with a headache. Like clock work, I have been waking up @ 3:30 am with a huge headache, so I am seeing the doctor this afternoon. True it could be stress, but when this headache hits, over the counter medications isn't doing the job. Which is why I have to see the doctor. While out I can pickup my Challah for Shabbat.
Not sure what to do, so early in the morning, I decided to look at some pictures;

Today,  five years ago, on an early Sunday morning, already getting hot, Dwayne, who took our wedding pictures, took  us up to Rose Hall, a lovely park in Virginia Beach. It was here we had our engagement pictures taken. I remember that morning well. We had so much fun with Dwayne, knowing we picked the right man for the job. It was his idea for us to wear jeans and Mark the striped shirt. I had a pink shirt that matched, so it worked out well.

I remember noticing Mark's colour was returning from the chemo, that both his hair and his beard were fuller. And he was so playful! We had been so careful in our affection towards each other. Having both been in relationships before and now both truly believers, we didn't wish to do anything that would flame the passions.  I even wore a purity ring. Now I know that it sounds that in  odd that in this day and age, two adults would not....but we chose to keep our courtship honourable. To honour G-d, ourselves and each other. We were also quite aware that there were young people watching us. And while it was hard (lots of cold showers) love can indeed wait.

After the photo session, we went to visit our former church, later having lunch with friends. I remember thinking the next time I would see these folks will be at my wedding...

So as I write this, I am quite happy, remembering one of the happiest times of my life. Yes, he is still gone. But as Mark and I say; "he's out of my arms, but he's in my heart."

So I am planning my day. Cleaning and dusting the bedroom, seeing my doctor afternoon, preparing for Shabbat. And later, pull out the Scrape book I did for our engagement.

Catch ya later....

This Stinks!

Shalom:
Actaully Frday night, that isn't the work I used....
Mark: "Come on Laini, I want to hear you say it...The Army Sucks!"
Laini: "I can't say that!"
Mark: "Yes you can. Now let me hear you..."
And I let it rip!
It isn't Mark's fault; this is his job and the army is making sure he is ok.
But Mark has been in the Untited States for almost two weeks and I haven't seen him yet. And I can't go up to him: I still wounldn't able to see him. Just sitting in a hotel room all alone.
How much are we as military spouses and families are suppose to take.
I thought the days of "if the army wanted you to have a family, they would have issused you one were over?"
This is the longest war this nation has ever fought in. I am not going to get into the politlical ins and outs of this conflict: Mr. Obama is the President and it's his to deal with.
We the families, however, are having to deal with it as well. With back to back deployments that aren't even a year apart now, marriages are under more strain and many are breaking up. More and more military children are having problems and getting into trouble. And while more folks are entering the service, it is the Army Reservist that is still the most used.
I am proud of my husband. I am proud that he has chosen to serve his nation. I stand with him and would never dream of asking him to leave the service, or leave him.
He has been gone for so long....
Just let me hold him....

CarePackages and Other Stuff

Boker Tov;
I spoke to Mark last night; he finally recieved the box we send from Montana.
I couldn't state what was in it lest Mark read the blog first, but it included:
A huge red monkee from cousin Jaylene and a note.
Monkee Butt Talic powder from Carson, Angela and Jaylene, with a note from each.
Chocolate, big jar of mixed nuts, several bags of dried fruits, Huckaberry Taffy and love notes from me.
And from Aunt Michael and Uncle Jim, four pack of TP, Baby wipes and a sheet of Mr. Obama compassion-sand paper.
Because the unit was reciving a guest on post, Mark could only look at his gifts. The letters will have to wait until later.
There is always comings and goings where Mark is stationed. New units coming in, old ones going home. Lots of paperwork along with getting the new units up to speed with the projects being worked on.
He still enjoys getting out to meet the locals, but of course it is still dangerous and we keep praying for not just Mark, but for all those who serve.
In fact, recently, I was taken to task for my "lack of faith" on fackbook and Mark had a comment about that. "Those who are your friends or think they are should remember your beloved is half way around the world in a dangerous area and should give you some slack."
Even in Afghanistan, he's got my back.

Mark's coming home on Leave soon, so I went to the after Valentine's Day sales. The above candle is amoung the things I found for 50%.
I do have a red tablecloth, so with the extra little things and gifts I found, I hope to make his Home Come a nice one.

This little heart shaped bottle is one I shall fill with a love note for my beloved.

I couldn't resist. He sings, 'I'm Too Sexy.'

No explaintion needed, though the candles are rose scented.
Hey Laini! I thought you were a frum?
Yeah, I am.  And I make being a frum fun :)