I Watch My Soldier Sleep

I watch you sleep.
thankful I have you by side another night.
But I also know a letter, that letter,
could come tomorrow, taking you from my side.
The danger is real; your nation calls.
And as much as you love me, you will answer the call,
leaving my side, our bed.

 I will let you go. Trust me, I don't want to!
But I will, for we have a job to do. For as you fight for freedom,
I will pray. I will bake the cookies for your Care Package, I will write the letters,
I will stay up after midnight, waiting for your five minute call.
Praying for you and for all who serve, praying for you to return to my side.
To our bed.
In the corner of the room I see your boots. Boots that have taken you to Iraq and Afghanistan.
Boot that have brought you back to me.
I think of your fatigues draped over a chair. You are so handsome in them; my heart swells with pride when I see you all "soldier out."
But tonight, I am just thankful that all I have to do is wash them, not watch as you dress, and  your boots carry you away from my side.
Your leaving. It is the price I pay for loving a soldier, A price I am happy to pay.
For when I am held in your arms, all my fears and worries melt away, all is left is love
Right now, I look upon your sleeping face.
 My soldier, my hero, my love.
I watch you sleep, thanking G-d for giving us another day together.
Another night of love.
I touch your hair and pray, that the letter,
that letter, never comes.

 

A Free Phone

Shalom:
Well I am sure most of you have heard or seen the video about the woman who goes on and on about voting for Mr. Obama because "he's going away phones."
Well, to be honest, it isn't an Obama give away, but a program that helps people on a fixed income have a basic phone. And what is wrong with that? In case you need to call 9-11, keep in touch with your ailing parents, or like in Mark's case, if someone calls wishing to set-up a job interview.
Since we lost our phone service two months ago, I can tell you first hand what a nightmare it is not to have a phone. The hospital needed to reach me one morning about my friend David and found the service turned off. It took two days for the doctor to track me down.
Why? No phone.
So, with the receiving of Food Stamps, Mark and I also received an government phone. We get 285 minutes a month. If we need more minutes, well we pay for that ourselves.

And this is the phone. A basic phone. You can send and receive text, voice mail and address book to hold phone numbers. Half the time it drops calls or won't dial. Sometimes the person you called can't hear you saying hello and hangs up, thinking it is a prank call.
It is not a Blackberry.
Yes, I am thankful to have a means to stay in touch with the outside world. But you would this the way this woman has carried out, it was an IPhone.
It is just a plain phone. Not a reason to vote to keep a man in the highest office.
Now if this nation's unemployment was at an all time low than high, if fewer people needed food stamps and free cheap phones, instead of more people receiving government assistance, then I can see singing his praises...
"I was on welfare and Mr.Obama got these job programs goin' see, and I went and got on one of them and...and I got me a job! A J-O-B! I got off welfare and I can take care of me and my kids! Vote for Obama! He gets you jobs!"
Now that would be a reason to vote for anyone.


 

Strong Bonds: We're On Our Way

We started out mid-morning Friday morning.
It was a beauiful, sunny Jaunry. It felt more like autumn than winter. I stood in front of our car as mark loaded her with our suitcases, thinking what amazing life I have.
True,n either one of us are working right now. Mark's father recent back surgery, and me having all sorts of test. We stay half a paycheck from being put out on the streets and yet, I feel blessed.
I feel blessed because I am.
I watch Mark, this man I have the honour to call my husband, my lover and my bestfriend. A man I am willing to follow through hell itself, knowing he will lead me to heaven is on the other side.
And frankly, we are going through hell.
We had been to SkyTop Lodge three weeks ago for the Yellow Ribbon and looked forwarded to returning. True, we won't have much time alone. But it is still a lovely place for a get away.
And since the event counts as AT (Anuuel Training) Mark does get paid.
Money always helps.
An hour into our trip, we both laughed over the fact that we had forgotten our music CDs, so we listened to the radio once again.
Sometimes it was a talk program. Sometimes an oldie-but-goodness station laughing with happy surprise of "YOU know that song?"

We stopped for the stretching of legs and rest rooms. The weather was being to become chilly. Good thing we had jackets in the back seat.

I thought this was rather pretty, giving visitors of the rest stop a taste of the surroundings.

I never did find out the name of this river. Maybe one day.
Soon, we were back on the road again.
I rather like these times. Since August of last year, we have attended a miliarty program of one sort or another. The pay Mark recieved for each trip has truly helped, and the get aways have been great respite from all the stress we have been under.
During these rides we talk, we laugh. Mark tells me how much he loves me. And I share my love for him.
And then it happen.....
Mark who though he could remind how to get to SkyTop without a map, got lost.
At first, I managed not to get angry or panic. I chose to believe we would by the grace of G-d get back on track.
We didn't.
By six pm, we didn't have the faintest idea where we were.
And by now, my sense of adventure was long gone. The only reason why Mark lived was because I don't drive.
We did find a Rite-Aid, with a map. We were a half an hour from the Lodge. However, somehow, someway, Mark got turned around and we were heading AWAY from SkyTop.
And yes, I was mad. Mark, being a good sport, allowed me to vent.
No, I didn't hit him.
Finally, we did get back on track, seeing buildings and signs we recoginzed, leading us to the Lodge.
I had to work through my anger, not wishing for it to ruin our weekend.
It was about nine pm when we finally arrived to SkyTop. This time we would be staying in one of the cabins.

Mark went back to main lodge and found one of the food outlets opened.
Hamburgers never tasted so good.
Knowing we would have an early morning, we headed off to bed.
And I had to pray hard.
Yes, I was angry about Mark not having the map. I knew he was sorry.
And I wasn't going to allow this to ruin our weekend.
I had to pray hard that night.

Strong Bonds Part One

Last weekend (Januray 6-8) Mark and I attended a program known as Strong Bonds.And what is Strong Bonds?
Strong Bonds is a chaplain-led programs for commanders and thier families. Its mission is to increase soldier and the family readness through relationship education and skills training. There is so much pressure on military life today. Today we face more and long deployments that can put a stain on both marriage and family life. Strong Bonds helps the family not only to prepare for deployment and/or post-deployment, but helps the miliarty family to strenghten and keep the lines of communications open.
Couples like Mark and I volunteer to participate in a Strong Bonds retreat. Though it counts as AT for the soldier. It is held offsite, the retreat is design to maximize the family relationship training impact. Also known as a getaway, it provides a comfortable place for training, but for the couple to unwind. It is at these sites, chosen by the chaplens that offer emotionally safe and secure environment, where one can address the effects of miliarty life.
The Strong Bonds we attended was held at the amazing SkyTop Lodge, SkyTop, PA.
We had attended another event here, The Yellow Ribbon Reinteration about three weeks ago and was looking forward to our returning for what we knew would be an amazing weekend.
Strong Bonds first began in 1999, with four events and 90 couples in the 25th Division, Hawaii, Strong has since spread throughout the Active and Reserve Componernts of the Army.
In 2004, the US Code was amended to allow command funding for "chaplain-led programs to assist members of the armed forces--in bulding and maintainging a strong family structure," (Title 10-1789).
In the fiscal year of 2010, the Army completed the third year of a five year longitudinal study evaluating the outcome of Strong . Preliminary outcome shows a fifty percent lower rate in divorce with an increase in marital satisfaction for participants.
Very true. For Mark and I walked away with a few tools in our toolchest. Even though it has been a week, we still are practicing the lessons we learned from Strong Bonds.
So why is this program so important to the Army?
Because strong families are the backbone of the Army. The Army realizes that when the Soldier's family is healthy and secure, the Soldier then can focus on the task at hand. Knowing thier loved ones are recieving the support needed back home, relieves their minds and hearts. Strong, loving marriages and relationships contribute to the maintenance of a healthy Army and a secure future force. While we have not gone through duty relocations, we have felt the stain of frequent deployments, we have had our relationship tested.
The research done on Strong Bonds has shown that the training couples recieves, improves communication skills, imtimacy and conflict management. As stated before, it increases marital satisfaction and reduces the rates of Family violence.
I am so happy to say that the Army sees the need and is going out of its way to help Soldiers and their Families get through the ups and down of Miliarty Life.
I highly recommand the Strong Bond Program to all our soldiers and their families.It is truly worth the weekend.

If I had an complain, it would be it needs to be one day longer.

This Stinks!

Shalom:
Actaully Frday night, that isn't the work I used....
Mark: "Come on Laini, I want to hear you say it...The Army Sucks!"
Laini: "I can't say that!"
Mark: "Yes you can. Now let me hear you..."
And I let it rip!
It isn't Mark's fault; this is his job and the army is making sure he is ok.
But Mark has been in the Untited States for almost two weeks and I haven't seen him yet. And I can't go up to him: I still wounldn't able to see him. Just sitting in a hotel room all alone.
How much are we as military spouses and families are suppose to take.
I thought the days of "if the army wanted you to have a family, they would have issused you one were over?"
This is the longest war this nation has ever fought in. I am not going to get into the politlical ins and outs of this conflict: Mr. Obama is the President and it's his to deal with.
We the families, however, are having to deal with it as well. With back to back deployments that aren't even a year apart now, marriages are under more strain and many are breaking up. More and more military children are having problems and getting into trouble. And while more folks are entering the service, it is the Army Reservist that is still the most used.
I am proud of my husband. I am proud that he has chosen to serve his nation. I stand with him and would never dream of asking him to leave the service, or leave him.
He has been gone for so long....
Just let me hold him....

CarePackages and Other Stuff

Boker Tov;
I spoke to Mark last night; he finally recieved the box we send from Montana.
I couldn't state what was in it lest Mark read the blog first, but it included:
A huge red monkee from cousin Jaylene and a note.
Monkee Butt Talic powder from Carson, Angela and Jaylene, with a note from each.
Chocolate, big jar of mixed nuts, several bags of dried fruits, Huckaberry Taffy and love notes from me.
And from Aunt Michael and Uncle Jim, four pack of TP, Baby wipes and a sheet of Mr. Obama compassion-sand paper.
Because the unit was reciving a guest on post, Mark could only look at his gifts. The letters will have to wait until later.
There is always comings and goings where Mark is stationed. New units coming in, old ones going home. Lots of paperwork along with getting the new units up to speed with the projects being worked on.
He still enjoys getting out to meet the locals, but of course it is still dangerous and we keep praying for not just Mark, but for all those who serve.
In fact, recently, I was taken to task for my "lack of faith" on fackbook and Mark had a comment about that. "Those who are your friends or think they are should remember your beloved is half way around the world in a dangerous area and should give you some slack."
Even in Afghanistan, he's got my back.

Mark's coming home on Leave soon, so I went to the after Valentine's Day sales. The above candle is amoung the things I found for 50%.
I do have a red tablecloth, so with the extra little things and gifts I found, I hope to make his Home Come a nice one.

This little heart shaped bottle is one I shall fill with a love note for my beloved.

I couldn't resist. He sings, 'I'm Too Sexy.'

No explaintion needed, though the candles are rose scented.
Hey Laini! I thought you were a frum?
Yeah, I am.  And I make being a frum fun :)

It's Still Hard.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day.
I have so enjoyed looking upon the flowers Mark send, reading the little notes, hugging the little bear and enjoying the chocolate.
But it is just isn't the same without his being here.
This night has always been special. After a special meal and the exchanging of gifts, by the glow of candle light we would dance, remembering how Mark came to ask me to be his wife. Remembering the weeks that led up to the wedding and other events in our lives.
I would open the family Bible and look upon the rose he gave me the night Mark asked me to be his wife.
Now, I inhale the roses and hug the bear, waiting for my beloved to return to me.
It is part of being a military wife. Waiting.
It is still hard.
But having task at hand and having the love of Mark gets me through it.

This afternoon, I watched a Hebrew gentleman and his sons shopping (his kippah gave it away). He was was looking for just the right roses for his wife.
One of the sons asked why his abba was being so pickly, imma would love whatever she was given.
But the older boy pointed out to his younger brother: Imma loves yellow roses.
This father taught his sons well. By taking the time to find just the right coloured roses and making her favorite meal, he was teaching his boys how to love their wives. A good husband doesn't just provides and pays the bills; he knows the little things that makes her happy and willing to go out of his way to amke sure he finds that would delight her heart.
Even if it's yellow roses.
I couldn't help but smile, for I could see my Mark in this man, the same loving, caring, serving heart.
It is men that this man shopping for roses and my Mark that can make every day Valentine's Day.
Though to be honest, I wish Mark was here to give me the flowers himself.

Love From Afghanistan

Lialia Tov:
This morning I recieved a wondeful surprise; my beloved called.
I had spoken to him last night and to hear his voice first time this morning was a delight.
He asked: "have you got them yet?"
Got what?
It seems that my beloved send me special gifts for our special day. It was Valentine's Weekend that he asked me to be his wife.

And being the romantic he is, Mark didn't forget.

This arrived first, Happy Valentine's Day.
And then for our anniversary:

What was really touching was the woman who delievered the flowers and the gifts.
"I pray he gets to come home to you soon."
So do I.

I Love A Man In Uniform; A Book Review

Boker Tov:
This book review is long overdue.
I Love A Man In Uniform was written by Lily Burana.
A memoir of love, war and other battles indeed.
 It was a book given to me by a friend last year. Right after Mark left for Afghanistan, I began to read it
It isn't a fluffy piece filled with mum and apple pie and how honoured you should be to let Uncle Sam take your man for months on end, just put your big girl panties on and deal with it. But a fresh, raw, honest look at what we as military wives go through. The ups and downs, the highs and lows, even the lost of friends who can't deal with your raw nerves.
 I could well relate to Lily; going up a bit of a rebel ( Lily was full blown), our relationships with our men centered around the war; she and Mike were married just before his deployment. Mark and I were seeing where we were going in our relationship. Our guys were there in Iraq at the same time, though Mark was there longer. There was an reajustment period when they came home and even a chance the relationships could end.
Lily and I have gone through similiar battles and have come out the victor. While as different as night and day, I found a kinship that helped me deal with Mark's deployment. I learned not only how to, but now can utter the words "embrace the suck." This comes from the guys who had to be in Iraq over a year, stating this sucks. And a CO is quoted as 'embrace the suck."
Yes, I am aware that a nice frum like me shouldn't use phrases like that, but frankly, sometimes those are the very phrases that are the most honest.
So, I shall say, this sticks.
I highly recommend I Love A Man in Iniform, not just for those who loved ones deployed or about to be send over. But for those who have family and friends who have one side of the bed empty, someone missing at the supper table and you quite can't understand why girlfriend is so touchy, so sensitive, maybe you can understand us just alittle better.
Love you, Lily.
And I am happy to say, after finding out she was on facebook, I was honoured that she accepted this frum as a friend. I am hoping one day when Mark takes me to Westpoint to visit, I shall get to meet Lily and her husband Mike.

What I Am Really Doing

Boka Tov:

Right now as I look out the study window, I am being greeted by a sky trying to decide to be sunny or gray.

Having stepped onto the FireEscape earlier in the morning, I found the air cool. So it is a sweater day.

And Laundry Day.

It is one of the aftermats of having the flu: clothes that smell like Vics Vapor Rub.

Yuck!

So I decided to make a morning of this: Gathering the clothes, getting change, calling the cab and heading to the laundryMat. Starbucks is three blocks away, so I can get a cup of coffee and read some more of the Kite Runner.

This morning I awoke to the news that there were 14 soldiers killed in Afganistan. There are four-teen families about to see the Black car sitting in front of the house, that knock at the door. The Black Car. The Knock at the Door. It goes with war.

We are at War.

I am waiting.

I am waiting for that call.

"Baby, I'm fine."

I need to pray. I need to keep busy. I need to wash smelly clothes and make cookies for neighors. I need to feel the fresh air blowing in my face and grab my cameria to take the pictures I missed yesterday.

I need to hear Mark's voice.