A few weeks ago, about three, Mark and I headed off for a day in Williamsburge.
We found that David really didn't need anyone about to help with a meal or his medication. He was quite capable of popping a TV dinner in the micowave and getting his own medication.
It was during this time and on this trip I said to Mark, I believe David is coming to the place he doesn't need us. Not the way he did when he first came out of hosptial.
So it was time to turn our thoughts back to our home.
The Shabbat lights around the house was for the most part burned out. So we headed for Willimaburge, to the Christmas Mouse where we found strings of white lights, some grape crusters and roses.
Last week Mark began to put the lights up and while it is a project, we did have them up for this Shabbat. Such a warmth that comes from those beautitful lights framed on the ceiling boards, a reflection of heaven itself.
I felt a warmth, a happiness that had been missing in our Shabbat for weeks. Mark said he felt it as well.
This morning, while Mark took David to church, I went for a walk.
I reflected upon the past several weeks; the highs and lows. The disappointments and struggles. The wrestling matches with G-d, my husband, myself.
I am still reflecting......
While's one faith cannot be based on the actions of others, we cannot discount how we can encourage or rob someone of their faith because of our words and deeds. I have seen much the past several weeks, experence much to make me question what I believe.
Not Who I believe in.
And it is an interesting time. For we as Hebrews do not believe it is a sin to question G-d, to doubt. He invites our questions. For like any good parnet knows, when a child questions mother/father it isn't so much rebellion as it is growth, trying to make sense of what appears to be nonsense, a puzzle or worst, a lie.
A good parnet welcomes those questions because they know that their child is growing, maturing, thinking. Reasoning. The questions actually draw the parnet and child closer. If the parnet is wise, that is.
And I have lots of questions.
I just have to be a good listener.
Mark was standing at the apartment building as I came down the street. He knew I needed some space and lovingly gave it to me.
I found myself in his embrace and the sun came out.
Funny how whenever I need him the most, Mark appears.