Sunday, 12 December 2010

My Mark's Smile

Boker Tov:
It is a quiet morning in the Reel house.
Mark is sleeping in while I work on the blog.
I really try not to write when Mark is home. Not that he doesn't approve, but it takes time away from him. From us.
As wonderful as comptures are, they can take away from personal contact. Though we do like to flirt with each other on facebook.
We went to torah service yesterday and came back home to a cold house. So turning on the space heater, we took a long nap.
That evening we had leftover chicken soup and enjoyed just talking.
Hmmm, seems rather dull. But then, right now this is our life.
Quiet. Peaceful. Dull.
While eating, Mark spoke of how much he loved Shabbat, how much he loved being with me. Just being in my company.
I can see it in his eyes. That sense of peace is back.
Mark came home with a mild form of PTSD. We had been dealing with it since Mark returned, but the stresses of our life and knowing another deployment hangs over our heads, pushed him over the edge. At first I couldn't understand why we were fussying so much.
Then I realize the depression had coiled itself around my beloved and was slowly squeezing him to death.
The judgement of others didn't help and caused Mark to pull away from others even more.
It is hard to live with someone battling with depression. The feeling of helpness, of not knowing what to say or do, how much space to give, when to push and when just cry with them.
So many times I wanted to shake him, slap him, scream at him. At other times I just wanted to hold him and take away the pain.

Thankfully, going away to Williamsburg and now getting the help he needs was the breakthrough. That we needed. There were a few times I thought the disease would take my Mark.  But there was enough of a G-d sparkle in my beloved to keep him fighting for freedom of the depression.
So, my friends, this is what Mark and I have really gone through these past four months. We are so thankful for all of you who prayed for us all these months. For those who dare to sit and judge that which they did not know, I leave you in G-d's hand.
Just don't call our house.
Today, Mark and I plan to go see the Dawn Treader and  then see the new train display at our local mall. Chocolate is in order as well.
But most of all, I am looking forward to just seeing my beloved's smile.
Post a Comment