Strong Bonds: Date Night.

Shalom:
The afternoon session, the couples were broken into two groups.
One would make a list of what we would look for in a friend. The other, what would look for in a spouse.
The two list looked similiar.
I believe and most in the group agreed that friendship is very important in marriage. That you should marry your bestfriend.
I am blessed to have married mine.
Sometimes in marriage, with all the dailys of life, a couple can forget to just enjoy each other, spend time with each other. Sometimes, we forget to just sit down and talk.
Having fun is just as important to marriage as faithfulness and trust.
The next session was to me the most beautiful moment of the retreat.
Sexuality and Marriage.
Sex is a beautiful, wonderful expression of love between husband and wife. At that special moment, we are one, as G-d indeed. In fact, G-d rejoices over married love.
After all, it was His idea.
Rabbi Mark taught about what many wives wish their husbands knew and what husbands wish their wives knew about men.
It was here I saw my husband's heart touched.  Not that we have a problem here (trust me, we don't).
But when rabbi Mark shared that when men make love to their wives, not only do they filled loved, but it is healing to his soul.
Upon hearing these words, Mark turned to me and stroked my cheek and whispered the word, "true."
Rabbi Mark is a wonderful and gentleman and his words painted a romanctic back drop for the couples for date night.
So as we were walking back to our cabin, trying to think of something to do, I turned my anke and found myself limping.
We got back to the cabin and Mark got some ice for my anke.
We took a nap and then Mark went out and got supper and we spend the evening in our cabin, sharing the evening meal, Mark applying more ice to my anke and cuddling in bed.
The only missing was a roaring fire.

Strong Bonds: Saturday Evening

Shalom:
The afternoon sessions ended with intructions for date night.
It was a contest to see which couple had the best date night. You didn't have to take part, but there would be a prize.
More about that later.

On our way back to our cabin, Mark and I talked.
I shared with him my own insights. For the retreat has been an eye opener for me.
When I was a child, I had a poor sense of direction and would often get lost. Therefore, as I got older, I would do a check and double check of directions. sometimes the directions given would be wrong and I would again find myself lost. While I did learn how to retrace my steps, it was and is still cause for panic and in insecurity for me.
So the issus wasn't really the fact that Mark didn't feel a need for the map. It was the fear of he did not know where we were. That fed into my unsecurity.
I also realise my panic said to Mark, I didn't trust him.
But I did, because when ever we found ourselves lost, Mark would stop and ask for help. Thus I knew he would get us where we needed to be.
So, how did we resolute this?
I told mark I had been thinking about how to help him. I learned from my mother to always write a list of everything we would need for a trip. I would make sure the map was included on the list.
Mark, liking the idea, promise to buy a map and leave it in the car. We ago agreed to look at the map together and highlight with a marker our travel route and go online to get printed directions.
I also Mark, even if all of this, we might still get turned around. When that happens, I remind myself I can trust you to get me where I need to be.
Mark agreed. And he said when he sees me panic, he will take my hand and remind me, "honey, I got you, it's ok."
As we laid down for a nap, Mark took me in his arms and said; "This weekend has been good for us. I have been reminded of all the reasons. I love you. This afternoon, I realised your love healed me."
I cried as I fell asleep in his arms.
"I hope those are happy tears."
All I could do was nod.
They were.

Strong Bonds: Saturday Afternoon

Shalom:
After lunch and a quick nap, the afternoon sessions began.
We entered the room to find....a mess.
My first thought was; Who Let the Dogs Out?
What appeared to be a mess (paper plates, cups, big red balls little cones and pillows) was really a Mine Field. It was both a game and a teaching tool.
The wives went over to one side of the room where our husbands blindfolded us.
I am praying up a storm because the thought of walking about, not being able to see is not my favourite thing to do.

As you can see, I am not a happy camper. I felt like at any moment someone was going to put a cigarette in my mouth and ask me if I had any last words.
The husbands did with to the other side of the room and on the word GO!, they were to yell across the room and guide their blind wives through the Mine Field, not touching the stuff on the floor.
There were so many voices, I could not hear Mark. So I stood there, looking cute, not moving until I hear his voice. From time to time I would hear: "Can you hear me now?" Then and only then did I move. Finally, the voices died down and I could hear Mark.
And then the gamed ended.
The staff realised the game, while a good idea, would have worked better with a smaller group. So this time, the wives tied blind folds over the eyes of the husbands. We would stand just before them and guide them with our voices through the Mind Field.
What Mark and I learned was the following:
1. I wasn't going to more until I could hear Mark's voice. That meant I really had to listen.
2. Mark, knowing I couldn't hear him, waited until he could call to me and I could hear and follow his lead.
This is called trust. We trust each other to guide each other through the Mine Fields of  Life.
For me, I follow a spiritual lesson: "The L-rd is my Shepherd, I shall not want...." "I am the Good Shepherd and my sheep hear My Voice." Moshe, during his time in the desert, took care of sheep, learning to lead a great flock, his people out of Egypt. The shepherd boy who became king, David learned to pray, worship as well as how to lead and protect the nation he would one day take his place on the throne.
We were told to keep the lesson of the Mine Field in our next session.
Events and Issues.
Events and issues do arise in every marriage.
An event: Mark has drill this weekend. We decide to meet at the Kosher Palace (no such place, would be nice) for supper Saturday at six pm.
At the last minute, Mark is called into his Co's office to help with a project, forgetting to call me to let me know he is going to be late.
Plus, because it is shabbat, his phone is turn off.
So here I am, sitting pretty, waiting for my husband.
At first, I'm not too concern. Traffic no doubt and I order a coke.
30 minutes past and I check the messages at home, thinking Mark is running late and left a message on the home phone. No message.
Maybe he took a friend home. He's been known to do that.
Another 30 minutes past and I am now getting worried. Was there an accident? Was he robbed. Maybe he's laying on a dark street, bleeding, calling out my name....
And in comes Mark, running to the table.
Not bleeding.
Now, instead of "Thank G-d! Your fine!" I am ready to kill him.
"Honey, I'm sorry, I needed to stay back..."
"And you couldn't call me? Mark you always do this!"
"But honey if my boss tells me I have to stay and work...."
"You care more about your boss and your job than you do me!"
"That's not true and your being unreasonable. You have no understanding of how my job works..."
So now we have gone into a full blown fuss (though we would have left and done this at home).
What is the real issue? Is Mark always late? No. Does Mark always forget to call me? No.
But Mark is on the defenced and he is shooting back.
This is called a Mine Field. Because there are other matters, other "voices" screaming and we cannot hear each other.
So what we need is a "time off" to cool down and decide on a time to best handle this.
What is the real issue? What is underneath the surface?
Respect. I feel Mark is disrespecting me when he doesn't call and let me know he is going to be late. That my time isn't that important . That his CO and his fellow soldiers come before I do.
Mark feels I don't respect the fact that there are times his help is needed and he may have to put in longer hours.
Easy, yes? Yes and no.
It means learning to get to what the real issue is. It means learning to diffuse the mine fields and get to the heart of the matter and coming up with a way workable plan.
Mark leaves his cell phone on. I bring a good book.
And it was this exercise that resolved the problem of the map.

Martin Luther King

Shalom:
I am taking a break from the Strong Bonds series to honour an american hero, Doctor Martin Luther King Jr.
Today would be his 83th birthday, if he had lived. His wife, Mrs. King passed away several years ago, after suffering from a massive stroke and cancer. His eldest daughter, Yolanda, also passed away a few years ago. Yolanda and I were only a few months apart in age.
I remember the first time I heard Doctor King's name. It was the day he was murdered. The day was Tuesday, April 4th, 1968. It was my sister Eileen's nineth birthday.
We were attending school in Newton, being bused out of our neighourhood of Dorchester. We were part of the Operation Exdous, where inner city children, like my sister and I could be bused to another school system, where the schools were better.
I rememeber an annouce over the loud speaker at school. Those of us with Operation Exdous were leaving school early.
I remember the ride home. We didn't know what was going on, just happy to get out of school early. As we entered our neighourhood, the joy was replaced with fear. We saw rioting; adults running the streets, screaming and yelling, busting store windows and stealing things. There was one store on fire.
"They killed KING!!!" was the cry we heard.
Who was the king?
Mummie was standing at the bus stop. Now I know something was wrong. Our mother took the afternoon off to come and pick us up from school?
I could see the fear she was trying to hide. Seeing the mayhem, frankly all hell was breaking loose, mummie wanted to make sure we got home safe and explained what was happening and why. The people were upset because one of our Civil Rights leaders was shoot.
But to riot? To rob and destroy businesses? I didn't understand that.
I still don't.
I always call this the year I began to grow up. I remember so much from that year.
We were watching Bewitched, the one when Endora pull a spell on Darren, causing him to have jumbo ears. Ten minutes into the show, the news broke in and announced that Doctor King had died.
We were keptt home until after his funeral.
During those four days, I learned so much about Doctor King, what he stood, what he was fighting for. Doctor King's funeral was the very first one Eileen and I ever attended, even though it was via TV.
It was during this time, mummie talked to us about death and the afterlife. These lessons would come in handy a few months later when the Late Senate Robert F. Kennedy would be gun down and then the passing of our grandmother years later.
Doctor King had a Dream. He held this nation up to her promises and knew we could be a better people.
As I look over my life, I know that I am living Doctor King's dream. As a wife, mother, writer and teacher of women, I am the reality of his dreams. I am free marry and be happily married to the man I love without fear. I am free to live where-ever I wish, buy a home, own a busniess and use my G-d given talents.
True, the seeds of hatred because of skin colour is in our nation. We still have pockets of groups who rather divide than unite. Those who would still burn a cross on my lawn if they could. But we are so much farther as a people, as an nation.
Like him or not, but this nation elected it's first bi-racial president. Who whould have imagine that happen even four years ago. Today we have men and women of all colours and walks of life servinf not only as teachers, but lawyers, judges, doctors, ministers, priest and rabbi. We serve in all branches of the miliarty. We shine not only in Sport and Enterianment, but in Science and Business.
Doctor King's Dream is an american Dream.
Each of us, all of us, are better because Doctor Matin Luther King Jr. passed our way.
May we each remain faithful to his vision.
Happy Birthday, Dr. King.

Strong Bonds: The Retreat-Saturday Morning

It was a sunny, but chilly Saturday morning. Mark got up before I did to find out where and what time the classes began.
I was snuggled down in the softness of the king bed, when Mark said: "Laini, get up. The classes start at 8:00 am.
It was 7 am and I am not a morning person.
Yes, we had a fuss.
It seems we should have been there yesterday afternoon by 3:00pm because that was the opening sessions began. He didn't know that we were suppose to be there yesterday.
Here we go again.
I have to be honest; I had to work through this as well.
It really wasn't his fault because he didn't have all of the information, but I still have to work through my anger. Truth be told, I wasn't being very flexiable.
Thankfully, we weren't in trouble, the staff was just thankful we made it on time.

This is a picture of one of the cabins at SkyTop. They are rather warm and cozy. Only a five minute walk from the cabin to the main lodge where the sessions would be held.
The staff was made up of three chaplains: Chaplains Jonathan, Demetrius and Mark (Rabbi) Jonathan and Mark were married, Demetrius, single.
The resource used for the weekend was Prep For Strong bonds; Building Ready Families. It's a participant manual that we would work through. What I love about the manual is that it is something that Mark and I can continue to use in our marriage. It reminds me of the workbook we used when going through pre-martial counseling.

The first session, led by Jonathan was discussing the speaker-listening technique. While we missed the teaching class, we quickly caught on because it is a technique we already knew. In each of the packets given to the couples, there contain a tile, called The Floor. Whoever held the tile, had "the floor" and was the speaker.(sample: It upsets me when you leave the bottle of ornage juice sitting on the counter.") The other parther is the Listener. Then the floor is given to the other spouse. He or she repects back what they just heard ( so what your saying is, you don't like me leaving the orange juice sitting out.")
Some times, the orange juice sitting on the kitchen isn't really the issuse. What is the real issuse? Maybe it is one spouse is concerned that the orange juice sitting out will spoil and it has to be thrown away and that is a waste of money. The other spouse, feels they are being considerate by leaving the juice for everyone.
So how do we settle this issuse?
The couple will agree to sit down and settle the issuse.
If this was Mark and I, we would agree the juice pitch sits on the breakfast table until the meal is over and whoever cleared the table would put away the orange juice.
Simple yes?
But how many couples fight over such a simple matter.
As the morning wore on, my anger melted away. Mark not having the map wasn't the reason for my anger. It's a good reason to be upset, but not to be angry. During the morning session, I realize somthing esle was in play.
Something we would learn is, the hidden issuse.
After the break, Rabbi Mark led the session Readjustment: Deployment and Coming Home. He set the stage that marriage today is very different than in our parents, and in some ways unchanged.
Today, more wives work outside the home, not because of things the family wants, but because the family needs the extra income. Though when I was growing up, I knew very few homes where mum stayed at home. Today, more couples share the household duties and care of children. But the core values and needs are still there.
For miliatry families, there is now the added long deployments.
The group shared the pros and cons of deployments, how to be creative in staying in touch with the deployed soldier.
We then broke into soldier and spouses groups. I found this most helpful. Since Mark is a Civil Affairs officer, he is attached to a unit and send off. And I am left here with no support other than family and friends. Other spouses in the group had similair situations. We able to speak openly, knowing whatever was said, remained in that room.
I walked away, realizing, that as hard as these four deployments have been, I was truly blessed.
We headed out for lunch, at one of the little eaties at the lodge. The dinningroom prices were just a little too high.
We were invivted by another couple to join them. Then Chaplain Jonathan and his wife joined us. it was a nice lunch of hanburgers and just getting to know each other.
Later, Mark and I sat before a roaring fire and I fell asleep on Mark's shoulder as he stroked my cheek.

Strong Bonds: We're On Our Way

We started out mid-morning Friday morning.
It was a beauiful, sunny Jaunry. It felt more like autumn than winter. I stood in front of our car as mark loaded her with our suitcases, thinking what amazing life I have.
True,n either one of us are working right now. Mark's father recent back surgery, and me having all sorts of test. We stay half a paycheck from being put out on the streets and yet, I feel blessed.
I feel blessed because I am.
I watch Mark, this man I have the honour to call my husband, my lover and my bestfriend. A man I am willing to follow through hell itself, knowing he will lead me to heaven is on the other side.
And frankly, we are going through hell.
We had been to SkyTop Lodge three weeks ago for the Yellow Ribbon and looked forwarded to returning. True, we won't have much time alone. But it is still a lovely place for a get away.
And since the event counts as AT (Anuuel Training) Mark does get paid.
Money always helps.
An hour into our trip, we both laughed over the fact that we had forgotten our music CDs, so we listened to the radio once again.
Sometimes it was a talk program. Sometimes an oldie-but-goodness station laughing with happy surprise of "YOU know that song?"

We stopped for the stretching of legs and rest rooms. The weather was being to become chilly. Good thing we had jackets in the back seat.

I thought this was rather pretty, giving visitors of the rest stop a taste of the surroundings.

I never did find out the name of this river. Maybe one day.
Soon, we were back on the road again.
I rather like these times. Since August of last year, we have attended a miliarty program of one sort or another. The pay Mark recieved for each trip has truly helped, and the get aways have been great respite from all the stress we have been under.
During these rides we talk, we laugh. Mark tells me how much he loves me. And I share my love for him.
And then it happen.....
Mark who though he could remind how to get to SkyTop without a map, got lost.
At first, I managed not to get angry or panic. I chose to believe we would by the grace of G-d get back on track.
We didn't.
By six pm, we didn't have the faintest idea where we were.
And by now, my sense of adventure was long gone. The only reason why Mark lived was because I don't drive.
We did find a Rite-Aid, with a map. We were a half an hour from the Lodge. However, somehow, someway, Mark got turned around and we were heading AWAY from SkyTop.
And yes, I was mad. Mark, being a good sport, allowed me to vent.
No, I didn't hit him.
Finally, we did get back on track, seeing buildings and signs we recoginzed, leading us to the Lodge.
I had to work through my anger, not wishing for it to ruin our weekend.
It was about nine pm when we finally arrived to SkyTop. This time we would be staying in one of the cabins.

Mark went back to main lodge and found one of the food outlets opened.
Hamburgers never tasted so good.
Knowing we would have an early morning, we headed off to bed.
And I had to pray hard.
Yes, I was angry about Mark not having the map. I knew he was sorry.
And I wasn't going to allow this to ruin our weekend.
I had to pray hard that night.

Strong Bonds Part One

Last weekend (Januray 6-8) Mark and I attended a program known as Strong Bonds.And what is Strong Bonds?
Strong Bonds is a chaplain-led programs for commanders and thier families. Its mission is to increase soldier and the family readness through relationship education and skills training. There is so much pressure on military life today. Today we face more and long deployments that can put a stain on both marriage and family life. Strong Bonds helps the family not only to prepare for deployment and/or post-deployment, but helps the miliarty family to strenghten and keep the lines of communications open.
Couples like Mark and I volunteer to participate in a Strong Bonds retreat. Though it counts as AT for the soldier. It is held offsite, the retreat is design to maximize the family relationship training impact. Also known as a getaway, it provides a comfortable place for training, but for the couple to unwind. It is at these sites, chosen by the chaplens that offer emotionally safe and secure environment, where one can address the effects of miliarty life.
The Strong Bonds we attended was held at the amazing SkyTop Lodge, SkyTop, PA.
We had attended another event here, The Yellow Ribbon Reinteration about three weeks ago and was looking forward to our returning for what we knew would be an amazing weekend.
Strong Bonds first began in 1999, with four events and 90 couples in the 25th Division, Hawaii, Strong has since spread throughout the Active and Reserve Componernts of the Army.
In 2004, the US Code was amended to allow command funding for "chaplain-led programs to assist members of the armed forces--in bulding and maintainging a strong family structure," (Title 10-1789).
In the fiscal year of 2010, the Army completed the third year of a five year longitudinal study evaluating the outcome of Strong . Preliminary outcome shows a fifty percent lower rate in divorce with an increase in marital satisfaction for participants.
Very true. For Mark and I walked away with a few tools in our toolchest. Even though it has been a week, we still are practicing the lessons we learned from Strong Bonds.
So why is this program so important to the Army?
Because strong families are the backbone of the Army. The Army realizes that when the Soldier's family is healthy and secure, the Soldier then can focus on the task at hand. Knowing thier loved ones are recieving the support needed back home, relieves their minds and hearts. Strong, loving marriages and relationships contribute to the maintenance of a healthy Army and a secure future force. While we have not gone through duty relocations, we have felt the stain of frequent deployments, we have had our relationship tested.
The research done on Strong Bonds has shown that the training couples recieves, improves communication skills, imtimacy and conflict management. As stated before, it increases marital satisfaction and reduces the rates of Family violence.
I am so happy to say that the Army sees the need and is going out of its way to help Soldiers and their Families get through the ups and down of Miliarty Life.
I highly recommand the Strong Bond Program to all our soldiers and their families.It is truly worth the weekend.

If I had an complain, it would be it needs to be one day longer.

In The Hands of G-d Part Three

Shalom:
Well it is a rainy night here in Norfolk. A nice evening for hot coco and a good book.
Mark is looking for a job online while I catch on the blog.
Right now, we are taking things one day at a time.
Yesterday, I took all the bills, laid them on the dinningroom table and prayed; "G-d, we cannot pay these bills. We don't have the money, we don't have jobs, we have no way to pay these bills. So I am giving them to You. Our hope is in You. I believe, somehow, someway, You will provide for us."
Yeah, I know it sounds strange.
But I do believe that the Creator is our Father. That He indeed listens to our prayers. That He does answer. It might not be the way or matter we wish, or in the time we think, but He does answer.
I remember years ago, one of my friends said to me, "good morning, beautiful."
I laughed and asked if I am so beautiful, why doesn't I married. Or at least someone ask me out everyonce in a while.
His answer: "G-d is preparing your husband."
Excellant answer and quite right.
Many times we may be ready, but G-d is still working out the details.
Or we ourselves may not be ready for that new job, that house we are praying for other for that mate.
Sometimes we forget, G-d sees the whole picture, whereas,we can see just so far. And that means learning to trust our Heavenly Father.

I took this picture just before Mark and I took off for New York. At first, it was just a cute picture.
But now I see it a little differently.
While dad is watching for the traffic, son was looking down at his little legs on the petals. He had no fear of where his father was taking him. He trusted his daddy enough to just go for the ride, knowing his daddy will get him where-ever they were going safely. Total trust.
That I would be as trusting of my heavnly Father as this little boy.

The Yellow Ribbon Reinteration Program

Shalom:
In keeping with its committed to both the soldier and their families, the Secretary of Defense began a program called the Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program.

The program is an weekend event that provides information, services, referral, and proactive outreach programs to Soldiers of the Army Reserve and their Families through through every step of the deployment cycle.
It's goal is to prepare soldiers and their families for deployment, sustain the familt during deployment, and reintegrate the soldier with his/her family, communite, and employers upon redeployment. 
In Mark's case, this means he goes from being active duty back to reservist status until called up again.
The program includes information on current benefits and resources available to help overcome the challenges of return. The weekends are broken down to 30, 60, and 90-day post-deployment and counts  in Annual Training (AT) status for the soldier. And as stated before, the family is included.

The army realizes that the family is the back bone and has come a long way in assuring to give support to families while their loved ones are done. Plus the need our soldiers have with rentry back to the life they left behind.
We weren't aware of the program until last summer, for we had known, I would have attended the pre-deployment sessions.
But the ones we did attend were great.
This weekend was at a wonderful hotel or lodge in beautiful locations. We met wonderful people and the staff of the Yellow Ribbon are top notch. while they are still working out the bugs, we really had little to complain about.
And while Mark is still looking for work, Yellow Ribbon gave him great leads.
Like mark and I, many companies aren't aware of this amazing resource to their soldiers and their families. Nor are many aware of Strong Bonds, a marriage retreat that the army chaplens have setup with the aim of strenghing the bonds of army marriages.
So, I am doing my part in helping out the word. For sadly, this is one of those miliarty programs that could be done away with thanks to budget cuts. And these two programs are so needful for men and women who have given of their lives to protect and serve. They ask for so little from us as nation. Surely we can make sure they and their families have all the resources they need.

So it is Januray

Shalom:
So now it is January.
Our weather here in Tidewater, has as always been up, down and all around. The first of the month felt more like autumn and the next day we were back into sweaters.
We had one more army event to attend this month, called Strong Bonds and I shall write about that soon.
Mark is still out of work, still looking for work and doing some training online. I plan to take some online courses as well; my will be on gaming. There are a few games I truly enjoy and I would like to try my hand at it.
Thanks to the anti-depressed medication I am now taking, my mood is so much better. For the longest time I felt I was in this dark fog, not even knowing up from down. An icky black I felt choke the life out of me. This wasn't just the blues, but a deep shroud that was wrapped around and stealing my breath. All I could do was sit and stare.
Or cry.
Mark, seeing this, was wise enough to call my doctor and she quickly saw me...
That was about three weeks ago. The shroud is gone and I can now face the day instead of wanting to sleep it away.
I can now write again. Take care of my home again.
Pray again.
So this is January....my do I have lots to do. Lots of projects such as this blog to catch up on. Time to spend with my beloved. Time to study Torah and pray.
And yes, even bake goodies for friends.
So this is January. The weather is great for making soups, hot coco and popcorn. Time to work on a quilt or draw pictures with the children, A good time for an evening of Scramble and Uno.
 Quiet evening to cuddle with your beloved on the sofa and watch the fire in the hearth.
So what does January hold for you?

In the Hands of G-d Part 2

Shalom:
Often when one hears that someone has been played in the Hands of G-d, one thinks that person who is very ill, dying or has died.
And while that is true, the reality is, if we are believers in the G-d of Abraham, Issac and Yacob, we are in His Hands all the days of our lives on this good earth.
From the moment of our first breath, to our last, whether we like it or not, or  even believe it or not, our life, both now and forever, all  of us are in His Hands.
The Creator of heaven and earth, of every living thing, allows the rain to fall and the sun to shine on both the righteous and the unrighteous, alike. Illness, disease and death come to all, whether we worship the Holy One or laugh at the very thought of an Divine Being. But so does wealth, health and a joy filled life.
I learned this from my beloved mother. 
Whether it was leaving New York, fleeing an abused marriage, as a single mother  raising two daughters and caring for ailing mother or moving from the Governor's Office Massachusetts to start a new career at CBN Virginia, to giving a long held  dreams to go on the mission field and start a new career as a phone conusel before her stroke.
I  watched as my mother fought back from three major strokes that came one on top of the other. Dispite it all, mummie never lost her smile or her sense of humour. She didn't take it as a judgement or punishment, nor did she see this as the L-rd she adores as failing her because He didn't restore her body. Like Job, mother declare: "though He slain me, yet will I praise Him." The nursing staff would come in, just to talk to and some of them would even ask for prayer.
If anything, we often joke that she woke from the Stroke angry because she wasn't home with Jesus.
That's my mummie.
I like to remain her that during these eleven years, she got to welcome five great-grandchildren, see both her daughters marry men she proudly call sons and a granddaughter marry as well.
When you walk the hallway of Hope Haven, the assisted living home where mummie now lives, you will find the Thomas Kindcaid gallery. My mother loves Thomas Kindcaid puzzles and once they are finished, she glues and frames them.

When you walk into her room, you feel the Presence of G-d and see that beautiful smile upon her face and you forget your own problems. My mother continues to encourage and counsel others.
"My stroke slowed down my body, not my mind," Mummie would often say.
To quote my mother, whatever state we find ourselves, we are in G-d's Hands. Nothing happens in our lives without His knowledge or permission. I don't have to like it or even understand. Just trust Him.
Since all of this began in our lives, I have noticed I have had several panic attacks. At those times, Mark takes me in his arms, kissing my hair and whisper; "Laini, I got you." and after a few minutes I calm down and know everything will be alright.
This morning, as I awoke, I heard those same words in my spirit...but it wasn't Mark....
"I got you, Elayne." G-d whispered to my heart.
And I know He does.

In The Hand of G-d Part One

Shalom:
 Well it is Januray 2012.
So far, so good.
I'd just read comments made on the blog. Thank you so much for your good wishes and prayers. Even sharing what is going on in your lives.
We live in interesting times. For many, they give thanks for still having jobs, homes, good health. But they feel the pain of those who have lost any of or all of the above.
Up intil several months ago, I felt secure.
 Now, not so much.
After years of being on welfare, between private duty work as a HomeHealth Care and having a small home business, I worked myself off.
It is how I supported myself as I worked torwards my next goal; getting out Public Housing.
And that is when I met Mark.
As many who follow this blog know, we started off as friends, then became bestfriends. Finally, seeing that G-d was playing the role of Heavenly MatchMaker, we were married.
I was so thankful and blessed that Mark didn't judge me by where I lived. Grady Park was and still is a very nice neighour and pretty decent for Public Housing. He spend many an evening at my dinningroom table, sitting watch a movie or he would pick me up for service at Beth Messiah.
After we were married, we lived in my tiny little apartment for two months as we looked for a another place to live. Something bigger. Something nice.
 We found a beautiful place in Historial Ghent and moved. Making two of my dreams come true.
I was finally moving out of housing and I was moving to the very neighour I had spend years working torwards moving to.
I still remember the morning we moved out of my old apartment. I remember walking throught the empty rooms, knowing I was leaving to begin a whole new life. Welfare is a form of slavery, captured by cans and cannots and you have to work youself off to get free. Some, like my son, got out by joining the Navy, choicing to make an career of it.
Here I was, with a gold band on my left finger, standing in the middle of an empty kitchen. My fomer kitchen.
I couldn't help but cry. Neighours came to say goodbye, wish me well, thanked me for being an wonderful neighour and friend. I got hugs and kisses and even a nice card made by one of the children.
My next door neighour, an older lady, even asked me if I knew what I was doing the right thing by leaving.
I understood what she was asking. I was leaving the known, the safe. It would easy to stay and settle.
"What if that man loses his job? What if that man up and leaves you. They do that you know. Then what are you going to do, then. This has been your home for so long...." 
I understood her concerns, her fears. I was like a granddaughter to this dear woman. She had watched out for the the pass several months that I had lived in that apartment and I knew she would miss me as well as worry about how I'm doing.
My answer; "I shall do as I have always done, Trust G-d."
(She's since moved in with her son and his wife)
I said goodbye and waved goodbye to my old life.....
That was six and a half years ago.
Today, I am sitting in a hotel room after attending another military event with my beloved. He's gone to get supper while I apply ice to my right ankle. (I twisted it stepping on a stone) wreatling through fears of having to return to housing, to food stamps.
Not because my husband left me, but because other than hubby's unemployment checks and army reserve pay, there is no steady income. Mark, being an reservist has been looking work for now 14 months. Interviews that don't turn into jobs. I once again face an health issus we hope to get answers to this week.
We really cannot afford our apartment, so we are now looking into Section 8.
Frankly, I hate it. But I also know if things don't turn around, that is where we are heading.
My answer is still as it was six and a half years ago: I shall trust G-d.
It isn't blind faith, or I hope faith. It is rememebring how He cared for me in the past, that He is keeping us now.
And whatever happens, I keep one hand in the hand of my beloved, and the other hand, in the Hand of the Lover of our soul.

Hanukkah

Shalom and Happy hanukkah:
Tonight it the 5th night of Hanukkah.
It has been a quiet celebration this year, quieter than what we planned. But that's ok.
We had planned a Hanukkah feast, but the weekend before we found ourselves heading off for the last of The Yellow Ribbon Programs and that meant using the money for gas.
Mark is still unemployed, still looking for work.
We praise G-d his unemployment has been extended. And he does get paid for going to the Yellow Ribbon.
And I shall share about that another time.

That following tuesday, Mark awoke rather sick. It seems he had picked up some stomach virus. Which meant my making a big pot of chicken soup for my beloved instead of potatoes latkes for the first night of hanukkah. Thankfully with ginger-ale and soup, he was right as rain the following day.
So the next night, we had fish and chips, one of our favorite meals for hanukkah, since it is cooked in oil.
We spend a lot of time together, my beloved and I. Mostly because niether of us has jobs.
But while a job is needed, I do not complain about the time we share. We talk so much. We take walks together, study and pray together.
I see the pain in my Mark's eyes. He feels he has failed me in that he has no work to support us. But that isn't his fault. My Mark's isn't a lazy man; just sitting on the sofa, playing vidoe games while we live on the Taxpayers dime.
And yet in those same eyes, I see love. I see how much my husband loves me.
And what does that have to do with Hanukkah?
This is the time of miracles. When a ragtag band with the Hand of G-d upon them, won the battle the Syian-Greacian army that was determine to rid the world of every hebrew man, woman and child. To rid the world of Torah and the hebrew tongue. If it had not been for that hard fought battle, the miracle of a young virgin girl concieving in her womb the Messiah would have never occured. If there had been no Hanukkah, there would have been no Christmas.
The miracle of a war won. Of oil found. Of a Child concieved. All duringing this time of miracles.
And the same G-d of ole is still performing mircales. He still has His Hand upon His people, upon all who would call upon His Name.
And that is why I can light the lights of Hanukkah.

The Touch Felt Around the World

She was known for her beauty and amazing blue eyes. She was known for love of children and love for dance. Forever 36, our last memory of her was entering a car that would crash, the crash taking her life.

But I shall forever memory her for that touch.
 I call it the touch felt around the world.
It was April, 1986. Diana, Princess of Wales, in visiting a hosptial, actually reached out and shook the hand of a man, dying of Aids.
Her Highness's single touch of a dying man, a fellow human being, literally changed the world's view of Aides and Aides patients forever.
I believer the Princess of Wales would agree with me that we have come a long way, and yet still have a long way to go.
Today is the one day of the year that I think about returning to nursing.
Notice I said think about.
But that part of my life is over and by the end of this evening the feeling will be gone.
But I can still be part of the battle; by speaking out in Aids Awarness and giving when I have the money to do so. By visiting the bedside of the sick, whatever their ailment, not being afraid to touch them with the love of Yeshua, with the love of a fellow human being.
I write this in memory of the Late Princess of Wales, Diana.
Taken far too soon.

World Aids Day

Today is World Aids Day.

The day holds meaning for me because when I began my career as a nursing assistance, it was during those early years of when hearing "you have aids" was a death sentence. When people were afraid to be in the same room with someone had Aids, let alone touch them, eat or drink after them. When even doctors and nurses refused to see or care for a person with Aids. When even family memebers were turning their backs on family members.
I remember well the evening I found myself working with Aid patients. I was going in to check on two new patients, I actually tripped over the door stopped. The two male patients laughed and I laughed too. It was funny, and I didn't fall, which was even better.
I introduced myself, letting them know I would be their CNA for the evening.
They both asked for pitchers of water. So I went and filled their pitches and returned.
Both men appeared shocked that I returned so quickly.
"We're not use to recieving such service."
Why not, I asked.
"You don't know, we have Aids. No one comes in here unless they have to."
I didn't know. So I told them, if they didn't mind, I would need to wear gloves, but I no problem taking care of them.
A few minutes later, the head nurse called me to the nursing station. "You don't have a problem taking care of those men. Their gay you."
"So,"
"They have Aids."
"So, I'm not going to kiss or have sex with. I believe that just as Yeshua walked amoung and healed the Lepers of His day, I believe He would walk amoung and heal Aids patients."
So that night, I was given all four Aids patients on that floor until I left that nursing home.
I then went to work for an  nursing agency where I continued working with Hospic patients, including Aids patients.
Several of my former Aid patients actually rally and are now doing great, living full lives. But most have indeed passed on.
I remember each fondly, with a smile and tears.
We have come a very long way in the battle to rid the world of Aids, but we still, as a nation and the world at large still have a long way to go. May we see the world rid of this disease soon.
I write this in memory of all of those who have gone before us.
I write this, in the belief that one day, Aids, will be nothing more than a memory.

On the Road Again: Champ Hill

Boker Tov:
Back to our trip to Rochester.
After we leave GettryBurg, PA (see post from 11-16-2001) we were once agin on the road.
The sun was high and the weather was great;  the air was crisp and had me longing for hot apple cider.

On our way, we stopped a warm and visiting little town known as Champ Hill. It was a great place to stop and stretch our legs.
As well as an wonderful place to take pictures:

A carpit of fallen leaves. I leaarned my beloved had never had the joy of kicking through a pile of leaves or even have a leave fight. So we had to have a little fun playing in the leaves.

This is All About Wedding Cakes. It's by appointment only, so we couldn't go in.

The homes are so lovely, the feel that one gets is the warmth that comes from the charm of a small town.

Our time in Champ Hill was far too short. We have to come back.

A Jew With A View: Roses In November

A Jew With A View: Roses In November

These pictures are from my morning walk a few days ago...