Sunday, 1 March 2009

I Wish I Could Talk To Her

Boka Tov:
Up intil a few weeks ago, I never heard their names before.
Rihanna and Chris Brown.
But then, this male singer (?) beating up his girlfriend singer (?) hits the news. I saw the pictures of this beautiful woman's swollen face and cried.
It's been over twenty years since I saw that same face staring me back in the mirror, but the emotions flooded back and I felt that pain fresh and anew.
Mark had to hold me and assure me of his love.
I hoped Rihanna would have the wisdom to get away, keep away and go for counseling to help her through and give her the tools never to get into this situration again.
Last night, I heard the news that she has returned to her woman-beating boyfriend.
I cried again.
My son's father was abusive: I literaly ran out the house with only the clothes on my back and a baby in my arms to save my life.
Years later, this man was long out of my life, I married a man who I thought would love me and my son.
I was wrong.
A year and a half later, this man was in jail and my son and I would back home with my mum.
It took years of couseling and support group for me to work through the issues of how I got myself into those snakepits and praise G-d got out alive. I returned to the G-d of my childhood and assisted in the healing progress and finding myself worth, not in a man or another human being. But in my Creator and who He created me to be.
I am now married to a man who would silt his own throat before he would lay a hand on me other than to love, hold, comfort, pray for (with) tickle or wipe away tears. His words are not punches and shoves, but affirming, loving, healing, peaceful, humour, tender.
Maybe I am too way out in left field in this one, but I hope somehow, someway, Rihanna reads this post.
That someone gets ahold of this young woman before she winds up beaten up again.....or worse.
I want her to know "they are all sorry after the next day, honey coated words dripping from thier lips as they place roses in your arms and promise "this will never happen again."
Of course it is never their fault: "Baby you know how I get when I' wasted" or "well baby, if you show me more love and/or respect, you pushed my buttoms, if you weren't so fat," and my flavorite; "I saw the way that dude/woman was lookin at you and you were digging it."
Most abusers (and women can and do abuse as well) keep things home and under wraps. They manage to confine thier behavour to the house.
But when the beatings get public, your guy/gal has reached the place of no control, because they believe no one will stop them. This is when you don't walk, but run for your life.
You are a beautiful person, a person of worth and valve. No one has the right to raise their to you other than to love you. You need to find out why you are staying with a person who sees you as a punching bag.
Your love and prayers wouldn't change him/her. The power to change lies in the abuser alone. They must go for help, they must pray-first repentance, forgiving and then for the power to change.
In a way Rihanna has a leg up than most of those in abusvie marriages/relationships. She has the ways and means to support herself and a good support system in her family. I hope she finds her way out of the darkness and into the life, leave the cave and return to those who truly love her.
I pray she wises up before her own songs are played at her funeral and her father is not "standing by her side," but by her coffin.
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