Thursday, 19 April 2012

It Hurts Some Bad

Shalom:
Tonight is the second evening that Mark has taken the laundry over to his parents. They have offered the use of their washer and dryer, which helps saves a little money.
It's also good for him to get out of the the house. To spend some time with his father. And it gives me some time to do some writing.
Last night when Mark came home, we got into a fuss. It was silly really. But a major piece of healing occur for us.
Mark often has periods of what I call Black Holes. That he couldn't tell you where he was or what he did two or three hours ago. It was hard for him to face up to that truth. It was frighting. He felt better when he finally faced it.
Later, as I held him in bed, feeling him fall asleep in my arms, I could feel the hurt inside.
I know that hurt. It hurts so bad that it doesn't even have words. You don't feel anyone hears you. Understands you.
I know how he feels. I am so busy caring for Mark, I feel alone. No one hears me. No one understands what I am going through. Or cares.
I know in my head that isn't true, but my heart is another matter.
Now, when I knon Mark is sleep, I get up and pray. I pour out all the emotions onto G_D, because right now my emotions overwhelem Mark.
Then when I finish praying, I head off to bed and sleep.
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