This afternoon I went with Mark on his counselling session. Which Mark does have PTSD, it a mild form which can be treated.
But what also came out of his session was the fact that I am suffering from secondary PTSD. This means I as the care giver of Mark, am under the same stress as my husband. It was pointed out that often the spouse and children of Vets can have PTSD as well. It is liken to second hand smoke.
For example, I spend a great deal of time removing newspapers, turning off the news from both the TV and Radio, anything that could set Mark off. I know who sets Mark and why and keep him out of their company. I work hard to make everything perfect. But I never know if I have done enough. At times it is like walking on egg shells. And when Mark goes off, I just go off and pray.
Not don't get me wrong, Mark has never hit me, nor kicked the dog. He would hurt himself before he hurt either of us. But there are wounds and hurts brought on from his past and four deployments that are unseen. But wounds never the less.
And because I am the one caring for him, the one who sees the outbursts, the sleepless nights, the worry, I have taken onto myself his pain.
Then again, we are One.
So what we thought was seasonal depression (and I wondered why it didn't go away) is really PTSD. Thankfully I am already on medication.
The good news, just as there is help for Mark, which he is getting, there is help for me as well. Mark has been assured that counselling being setup for me as well. There is also a Support Group for the wives of Veterans I will be enrolled into.
I thank G_D for the VA Program. When a Veteran suffers, so does his/her family. The family must be treated as well as the Vet.
I am so glad to know what is truly going on with me as well as Mark. And to know I am not alone.