I awoke depressed.
I have been focused on recovering from the asthama attack, my energies on getting healed, I hadn't had time to get down about Mark's return to Afghanistan last week. My thoughts have been that Mark won't be here for Passover and preparing myself to deal with the waves of emotions that will come with that.
Until this morning.
He's not here.
I even got to speak to Mark twice yesterday: the second time he called he walked me through the use of the Passport which held my backup files. So now they are back on the Laptop in the study.
As I laid in bed last night, I found myself squeezing the stuffing out of Mark's pillow, inhaling his scent that was still there.
So when I open my eyes, said my morning prayers and realize, my beloved isn't here.
So, dispite the beautiful, sunny day, dispite the brewing coffee, I am depressed, working through the emotions of my beloved not being here.
The coffee is brewed.
The Market just called: the lamb is in.
So after coffee, I am off to the Market for Challah and lamb.
The walk will do me good.